Rely On Rex, Get Naked And Don't Trust David Letterman
Sydney Morning Herald
Thursday December 4, 2008
REX IN ROME 7.35pm, SBS: Inspector Rex hasn't taken to retirement like a swan to abseiling. Lounging about in the Morgenblatter Lounge of the Von Trapp Home For Superannuated Pleece Dogs, in downtown Vienna, is boring.
In search of stimulation, Rex has taken to daytripping excursions - escaping his minders and going for tram rides around the city. A police dog's lot is not a yappy one . . . But fate smiles on the canine hero when some cack-handed Italian jewel robbers display reckless incompetence after a successful break-and-enter. A blonde pedestrian is bowled over by their getaway car and Weber Lukas, an unsavoury German, is later found in a pile of dirt with several new navels. Perplexed local carabinieri telephone Vienna requesting help - prompting the arrival of Rex, who quickly bonds with the local fuzz. The case is speedily resolved with the Inspector Rex theme music: "We can trust him as a friend . . ." welling up to accentuate the moment. After 10 series, the camped-up wunderhund urgently needs some fresh challenges and re-invention. What better means of delivery than travel to scenic crime scenes? I daresay he will eventually lob into Sydney to tidy up the Underbelly mob, do a guest spot on Getaway and host his own cooking show on SBS, Rex And The City.HOW TO LOOK GOOD NAKED 7.30pm, Ten: How civilised of Ten to screen this most engaging and inspiring program to coincide with the end of dinner. Families all over the nation are becoming closer thanks to John Laws's bete noir, Carson Kressley and his desire to illuminate secrets once known only to Helena Frankenstein on how to let one's inner beauty seep through the epidermal layers and into the visual domain. All over the country, families keen to look their best are stripping off and pondering their reflected image in full-length mirrors. Like the Charles Atlas ads of yesteryear which invited puny weaklings and scrawny runts to "slip into your birthday suit and look at yourself in the mirror. What do you see? A magnificent specimen of manhood with legs like pillars of oak, a chest like a barrel of anvils and a body shimmering with thermo-dynamic tension? Or a pathetic wreck with a sunken chest, hollow eyes and biceps like a budgie's kneecap?" Parents are coming to terms with mid-life sag, boob droop and beer guts easily mistaken for a wheelbarrow-load of lard. Children are realising they are roaring towards type 2 diabetes even as their McCain's double deep-fried hedgehog fritters settle into a sea of carbonated yogurt with guarana. It's good to be nude! It's what nature intended and by gee! Every patriotic Australian should be late-night shopping, naked and proud. Bugger the recession! See the program, appreciate the splendour of life in the nuddy and do your bit to enhance the shopping experience!THE LATE SHOW WITH DAVID LETTERMAN 11.45pm, Ten: Did David Letterman "crucify" Our Nic when she appeared on his program last week to pump Bazerama? She fronted up to spruik the flick and seemed vexed that Letterman wanted to talk about country music and other topics more the domain of Ms Winfrey. But Hey! This is promotional symbiotics and the rules are loose. I didn't notice any nail holes in Nicole's hands but there seemed to be a few curious marks behind her ears. Letterman has become an institution (and an inmate of it) - such that he is no longer capable of doing his job effectively. In the name of public decency he should contemplate retirement. The perfect career move awaits as a "greeter" at Caesar's Palace in Las Vegas.RADIOLINGUA FRANCA 3.45pm, Radio National: Cruciverbalists of the world, unite! The initials DA strike fear into the hearts of many readers of this newspaper. DA stands for David Astle, the man who plots the cryptic crossword puzzles in the Herald and the Age. How did he drift into the "gnarly end" of the business? I haven't a clue.
© 2008 Sydney Morning Herald